Categories
Life writing, Creative writing and Performance

An Extract: How Mewing Can Improve Your Profile

Daniel is a mature undergraduate currently pursuing an English BA at King’s College London, while also working as an English and guitar tutor. Originally from Birmingham, where he spent the majority of his life, he was once a songwriter and performer. During his time in Birmingham, he fronted several bands, including the psychedelic indie band Sleep Patterns. To make ends meet, he took on various day jobs over the years, including working in an art shop, a library, in social care, and being involved in musical projects with the Midlands Arts Centre (MAC) and the music/arts collective DIE DAS DER, in addition to teaching guitar. In recent years, his focus has shifted from songwriting to prose writing.

His literary influences are varied, with a particular admiration for writers who possess unique, characterful styles such as Dickens, Nabokov, and, more recently, Jean Rhys with her angst-ridden prose. He also has a deep appreciation for science fiction, particularly the works of authors like Ursula K. le Guin, Gene Wolfe, and Ray Bradbury, who blend literary sensibilities with the genre. He believes that literature is most powerful when it serves a clear purpose, and sees science fiction as a means to reflect and stylize our world and times, often in a distorted or exaggerated manner. Writers such as Philip K. Dick, William Gibson, and Margaret Atwood have done this effectively, and it is in this tradition that Daniel has been experimenting with writing his own short science fiction stories.

For his most recent story, Daniel was inspired by the way a small number of Silicon Valley companies have shaped our digital culture, driven by their competitive, libertarian values. The book Hegemony Now: How Big Tech and Wall Street Won the World (And How We Win It Back) by Jeremy Gilbert and Alex Williams sparked further reflection on how this influence has quietly crept into society, prompting him to consider what might happen if it were taken just a step or two further.

 

How Mewing Can Improve Your Profile

By Daniel Sheridan

 

Marcus can’t stop looking at the palm of his hand. He leans back on the training bench and stares at the rising numbers on the screen encased in his skin – kg’s lifted, treadmill milage, water intake – his profile updating automatically. Two hours at the gym won’t enhance his visibility much, not compared to the sponsored content he’d paid for this morning. It’s all good profile maintenance, though.

He passes the woman in the grey tank top he’d seen doing leg presses. Her toned body alone is clickbait. Some guy is talking to her. Marcus clocks his torso – too thin between those bulking upper arms. He needs to get his workout plan sorted, competition on OneProfile is ramping up; the algorithms are merciless. But if Miss Clickbait wants to laugh at his weak jokes they’re welcome to each other.

Another glance at his palm-device as he leaves: his content is performing well.

 

 

 

Black BOSS shirt. Navy chinos. He places each item of dry-cleaned clothing on the bed. White Calvin Kleins. Marcus trims his eyebrows then slips his boxers – some minor topiary. He massages a hair growth stimulant into his cheeks after moisturising. Thirty years old and his beard is still little more than bumfluff.

Marcus is sculpting his hair when his palm-device buzzes. It’s Eliot. He steps onto the balcony to take the call, palm against his ear. The upper portion of the sky is a clear, pearlescent blue above a few puffs of low hanging cloud. From his fourteenth floor Hackney pad, he takes in the horizon dominated by the vaunting financial district.

‘Shit, Marcus, are you following the news about Bristol? Their system is still shut down. Are we culpable?’ Eliot is getting paranoid. ‘I’m shitting it about that last malware protection update, we rushed it through.’

They have all worked hard for these contracts. Eliot is ruining the glory for himself. It had taken the full range of Marcus’s wily charms to sell the software to the North Bristol Trust, adding tens of thousands to the income from healthcare companies in Lagos and Hanoi and Mumbai and he forgets where else. CyberFort Security is a global success.

‘We both know the software wasn’t built for Health Records systems. And I had someone asking me some weird questions outside the office last week. It could have been someone from the media, or the police.’

‘You’re worrying too much, Eliot. Just keep on with the patching work. And check your bank balance – it works like a diazepam.’

Marcus is beginning to feel he has the legitimacy to breathe in and out the same air as those FTSE 100 elites. To breathe the brightest, cleanest air, the purest oxygen cut from the atmosphere by the peak of The Shard, its spire puncturing the sky to let out the air of excess.

He tells Eliot to chill and taps his palm to end the call.

 

 

 

Marcus inhales some of the strawberry of Sarah’s vape clouds as she scrolls through her profile – fitness, education, income; stopping at the personal details section, she points to her date of birth.

‘Wow. You look much younger.’

‘Well, of course.’ It was supposed to have been a compliment – they had matched on OneProfile, so he’d already glanced through her breakdown. ‘Don’t you understand how much work we have to have done now? Each year closer to forty and fucking OneProfile’s algorithms drag down our visibility, much faster than for you blokes. You understand that, right?’

‘But if it works…’

‘Works for who?’

‘It brought us together tonight, for one thing.’ He coils an arm around Sarah’s waist as he gently rocks his hips to the Latin guitar noodling from the beer garden speakers. ‘And it sounds like you practically run this– what is it, a podcast? So you hire your own staff, I presume…’ A brief nod. He’s starting to think she’s not into him, but he’ll make his point anyway. ‘When all this was spread across different platforms – professional linking, photo sharing, dating – it was a mess.’ Since the Silicon Valley Merger, life has become streamlined. No one can argue against the convenience of having those key platforms operating under one point of reference – one profile. Performances across all areas – followers, qualifications, income, days without sick leave – all contribute to OneProfile visibility. ‘It makes sense for you to see your candidates’ merits all laid out before you, surely. Like a stats screen in a video game.’ Marcus grins.

‘I’m not a gamer.’

‘But when you’re hiring, you just skim the most visible profiles, right? Simple. Think of all the time we used to waste on inefficient people.’

‘Personally,’ Sarah takes a micro-step away from him, ‘I think it needs regulation’.

He had thought he’d found a good alternative to Miss Clickbait tonight. A few exchanged messages and Sarah had agreed to meet immediately, his trending profile already working its magic. Marcus had been mewing in the angled mirrors behind the bar, checking out his side-profile when she’d tapped him on the shoulder. He’ll take a good pic of that improved jawline later. She’d been interested in his work, asking about the way he tests his company’s antivirus software, those lucrative contracts. But once the conversation had gotten onto things more personal, she’d seemed to go cold.

‘These things we used to call phones,’ Sarah spreads open her hand, displaying her palm-device, ‘we can’t truly compete on the jobs market without modelling ourselves through them. You say it suits employers, but if our bodies must be gamified like this, public ownership of OneProfile is the only way we can all have a say.’

‘But OneProfile and palm-devices both came from the private sector. They met a demand. People have always loved their beautiful tech.’

‘And you don’t think it’s a problem to have no alternatives?’ Sarah breathes a fresh fruity plume.

‘But it’s like – realistically, Amazon is the only company people order their shit from now. Is anyone calling for alternatives there?’ With a service that slick, no need to talk about healthy competition or ethics. Get my fucking drill bit to my door tomorrow morning. I need it. ‘It works. Like OneProfile, keeping everything running smoothly, including your business,’ he says, disentangling his arm. He snatches a glance at his palm-device: twenty-nine missed calls from Eliot.

 

*

 

He tries the four-seven-eight breathing technique encouraged by David, his forensic psychologist. A course of therapy is one of the conditions of his bail. The defence had managed to soften his sentence by claiming ‘mental ill health’ as a factor.

David counts and Marcus breathes. Four seconds breathing in – hold for seven – eight seconds out. Four plus seven plus eight is nineteen.

He tries not to imagine what a criminal record will do to his profile. CyberFort Security’s business ratings have already dropped, pummelling his visibility. He tugs at the bandage covering his palm and starts to hyperventilate again.

David asks if he would like a glass of water. No, he doesn’t want any water, he doesn’t want to breathe stillness into his body. He wants to pace up and down the ribbed carpet of the magnolia-walled room. He wants to check his profile. He can’t function without knowing the damage. Marcus stares at a piece of sodden sky though the narrow, open window. He’s fallen far beneath that superior FTSE air now, raggedly sucking in the dregs, a bottom feeder gagging on the mud. A cold draft chills his clammy skin.

A police officer enters the room. His heart thuds at the bang of the wind-slammed door. It’s nothing to do with Marcus, David assures him, not to worry, this is still his space.

Marcus is against therapy. An ex had once urged that he try it after he’d become too obsessive and spreadsheety with his profile goals. But no, everyone knows the diagnosis of a psychiatric condition makes you less algorithm-friendly, even if the official line is that OneProfile can’t access medical details.

‘Let’s go back to the numbers,’ says David. He can’t forget that last glimpse of his lamed profile – his stats had been decimated. ‘I find it helps clients to work towards acceptance of guilt by beginning with the data, to start seeing the unchangeable facts of the situation as they are.’

‘I … I need to see it.’ He pulls at the corners of the bandage.

‘Let’s just focus on those facts. The hospital cyber-attack in Bristol caused delays in treatment for,’ David taps his palm-device, ‘two-hundred-and-sixteen patients, the complications of which included seven deaths.’

‘What? I thought we were talking about my profile data…’ Marcus had listened to Sarah’s investigative podcast. She’d called him a ‘purveyor of the cybersecurity equivalent of combustible cladding’. His only real digital talent, Sarah claimed, was in manipulating OneProfile visibility to his company’s advantage, shouldering CyberFort to the fore in search engine results. He’d swipe-righted his way into a honey trap.

‘And then there’s the Vietnamese clinic–’

‘I need to see my profile,’ Marcus says through clenched teeth. David removes his horn-rimmed glasses and slowly cleans the lenses with a cloth. He’d get more engagement if he’d only invest in some fashionable glasses.

‘You’re obsessing again, Marcus.’

He knuckles away hot tears with his bandaged hand. David continues tapping his palm-device. His voice softens. ‘How do you feel?’ Marcus’s lungs feel algorithmically suppressed.

He rips the bandage from his hand. His device has been confiscated, leaving a raw, rectangular hollow in the flesh of his palm. The veins mapping across red-brown sheets of exposed muscle seem to flicker, splitting apart, forming and reforming into a jargon of nonsense words and numbers incessantly scripting in the wound.

Marcus feels illegitimate.

Categories
Call for Papers

Call for Papers: English Department PGR Conference 2025

Call for Papers:

IR/RELEVANT – English Department PGR Conference 2025
30th May 2025, Strand Campus, King’s College London

As academics and practitioners in the Arts and Humanities, we are often required to evidence the relevance of our work, attempting to bridge an implicit separation with ‘the real world’. These efforts have become increasingly precarious, in the face of funding challenges, rising anti-intellectualism in the political sphere, and with social media amplifying scrutiny. The visibility of scholarship becomes both a necessity and a personal liability. Simultaneously, artists and academics continue to challenge exclusionary structures that have long shaped institutions and practices. Standards of relevance or relatability can be wielded as tools of exclusion.

At this critical moment, we invite reflections on relevance. How do art and literature shape how we relate to each other? To what extent do these demands promote homogeneity in art and culture? Who is excluded by these standards?

We envision this conference as a celebration of the irrelevant, incidental, marginalised, even the weird and off-putting. We invite submissions on topics including, but not limited to:

● Issues of accessibility in culture and academia

● Representation as activist project and/or artistic standard

● Questions of relevance or ‘relatability’ in literature and cultural discourses

● (Dis)identification and forms of resistance

● Affect theory and the politics of (un)feeling

● Labour and cultural production

This list is only a starting point, and we encourage all approaches. Your presentation could be part of a thesis chapter, another work in progress, or a new idea you would like to explore in an inclusive and supportive environment. We would also welcome proposals for panels or alternative mediums (e.g. art, interactive experience, creative writing).

Submission Guidelines

Please submit a brief abstract (100-300 words) for a maximum 15-minute presentation and a short bio (c. 100 words) to this form by 7th April. Speakers will be confirmed by 30th April.

Please contact englishpgrconf@kcl.ac.uk for further questions or to flag accessibility needs. We look forward to hearing from you!

Categories
Early Modern and Shakespeare Life writing, Creative writing and Performance

Theatre Review: Much Ado About Nothing by the Jamie Lloyd Company, at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane

Izzi is a Master’s student on the Shakespeare Studies MA at King’s and the Globe Theatre, having completed her undergraduate degree in Classics and English at the University of Oxford. As her MA suggests, she loves all things Shakespeare and early modern drama, and she regularly watches and reviews modern productions of Shakespeare plays. Although you wouldn’t know it from how much she loved Much Ado, Izzi’s research focuses on bodily violence on the early modern stage.

Izzi has written the below review for the most recent production of Much Ado About Nothing (2025): Jamie Lloyd Company, Theatre Royal Drury Lane.

Verdict: 5 stars

Coming off the back of his rather dark and pessimistic production of The Tempest, Jamie Lloyd’s Much Ado About Nothing couldn’t be more refreshingly different. The bleak and barren sand dunes of Prospero’s island have been swapped for a stage covered in bright pink confetti, with a massive pink heart floating at the back of the stage. Lloyd re-imagines Shakespeare’s Sicilian comedy in a world of 90s disco, glittery jumpsuits, and massive Masked Singer-cum-Disneyland headpieces to absolutely fabulous success.

While in his Tempest the casting of Sigourney Weaver as a female Prospero was somewhat disappointing, Lloyd’s choice of Hollywood A-listers in the form of Marvel’s Tom Hiddleston and Hayley Atwell is inspired. The pair’s flirtatious repartee during the opening scenes perfectly captures the constant exchange of digs between Beatrice and Benedick, Messina’s most eligible bachelor and bachelorette. Both make perfect use of their Hollywood heartthrob status when appealing to the audience: Hiddleston delivers Benedick’s iconically self-centred line ‘I am loved of all ladies’ to rapturous applause and wolf-whistles, and the two of them seem to delight in dancing suggestively together wherever possible. The pair’s physical comedy during their respective trickery scenes is delightful, with Hiddleston’s attempts to hide himself with armfuls of pink confetti bringing the house down.

The production is high energy, high camp, and high fun-factor, motivated by a soundtrack of 90’s bangers, often sung by Mason Alexander-Park’s Margaret, accompanied by group dance numbers. That is, until a poignant switch in mood created by Claudio’s bitter condemnation of Hero at the altar for her alleged infidelity, egged on by Don John, played by Tim Steed. Steed brilliantly approaches the tricky John the Bastard plotline by showing himself consciously adopting the persona of a vaudevillian villain, complete with pantomime ‘mwah-hah-hah-hah’, in order to wreak havoc in Don Pedro’s court. His seemingly frivolous mischief, however, creates terrible consequences for Mara Huf’s Hero, whose speech in defence of her honour is powerfully resonant in a post Me Too world. This tricky scene, which can leave a bitter taste in the mouth of a modern audience when the couple reconcile, was expertly navigated: I was pleasantly surprised to find myself genuinely happy for Hero and Claudio when they reunite at the end of the play alongside the loved-up Beatrice and Benedick.

Jamie Lloyd’s Much Ado About Nothing is an absolute must-see if you’re a fan of Shakespeare, a fan of theatre, a fan of disco, a fan of Tom Hiddleston, a fan of pink… the list goes on.

By Izzi Strevens

Categories
Arts and Humanities

The silent death of Literature: can we resurrect the written word?

Dahlia is a first-year Literature student at KCL, who chose the field due to a deep passion for prose, particularly from the A-Level syllabus. As a tutor, Dahlia often hears students express dissatisfaction with their texts, complaining about how dull they find them and how eager they are to finish the course. Recognising this, Dahlia decided to write this piece as a re-evaluation of the subject, aiming to show that Literature is not as boring as it is often perceived to be.

Literature is an art form, a way to establish our voices through characters, plots, settings and critiques. Shakespeare, Dickens, Fitzgerald – even Chaucer – were all critical masterminds who established the foundations of the Western literary culture and its works. Some of us may hate the complexity of Shakespeare’s unshakeable tragic heroes or Dickens’ monotonous, detached voice, but we cannot deny the huge impact they placed on us.  

Firstly, Shakespeare’s innovative use of the iambic pentameter, the traditionally romantic sonnet and his subversion of comedies were all revolutionary in developing the English language and structure. His exploration of identity and power in Othello and Hamlet have political relevance today – as the issues in this play such as, authority, manipulation, legitimacy and struggles of self-perception mirror modern issues.   

Additionally, Dickens’ blatant social critique of Victorian England helps us to understand the dire situation of the Industrial Revolution (1760-1840). Poverty, the alienation of women, child labour – all themes which are relevant today. In looking at these great authors and their own political, social, and cultural contexts we gain an insight into the past.  We can understand the past through literature; it can provide us a time machine – even into the future.  

Fitzgerald’s prolific The Great Gatsby has been watched by everyone at least once – the yearning, the waiting for an unrequited love, the desire for materialism over intimacy – common tropes we associate with even the rom-com genre. Literature in this sense has had a profound impact not only on philosophical thought but on media and physical art forms.  

As a Literature student myself, I found my voice in the A-level texts which focused on women in society. The arduous algebra in Mathematics couldn’t provide me the voice I craved. Sitting in those GCSE Maths classes bored me, solving equations and sticking to a set rule bored me. Nothing was inventive, new, radical in thought, every question had been answered before. Yet the English lessons where we spoke about politics, psychology, history, philosophy invigorated me. No longer was I this slave to the glorified STEM subjects and a mindless yes/no debate, but I was able to establish my voice through Literature. Debating and conversing with my classmates about the key questions: what’s the overall message, how can this relate nowadays? How would it look if it was adapted into modern times?  

Mathematics and the STEMs doesn’t help us develop analytical thought, literature does. Literature isn’t as alienating and out-of-touch as we pose it to be. Literature allows us to explore the human condition, reflect back on the past in the present and create culturally significant moments. For many, literature is a way out of the mundane, technological world and an immersive experience into a new one.  

When was the last time you read a novel that wasn’t part of the syllabus? A book you genuinely sat down and enjoyed? Literature for far too long has been branded a feminine subject, a subject seen as child’s play. Women have accounted for two-thirds of the degree recipients at the master’s level since the early 1980s and at the bachelor’s level (Gender distribution of degrees in English Language and Literature). The irony of course being the Bronte sisters, who used a male pseudonym to be taken seriously…  

The love for literature and classical authors have sadly diminished. With the new age of social media and technology, our attention spans are poor and we often watch movies to replace the entertainment literature once provided. Literature was a chance to escape the real world, get stuck into a book, travel to new worlds, and reimagine your life. Now it’s a chore from our English teachers to read a copy of An Inspector Calls rather than a thrilling experience, a social critique of the world we live in.  It has become a subject everyone resents.  

Just 2 in 5 (43.4%) children and young people aged 8 to 18 said they enjoyed reading in their free time in 2023. This is the lowest level since we first asked the question in 2005.2 (Children and young people’s reading in 2023, 4th September 2023), Texts nowadays are not appreciated for their culture, their literary invention. Instead, the education system strips down a book to a few themes for GCSEs and removes any sense of humanity it could provide. Whilst adult fantasy soared by an impressive 85.2% over the first six months of 2023, primarily fuelled by heightened interest in the romantasy genre, classical books are slowly being forgotten and seen as too complicated and uninspiring. (Fantasy Drives Print Book Sales Surge in 2024: Publishers See Potential Turnaround, July 9th 2024) 

For many book lovers, the Edward vs. Jacob saga in Twilight took centre stage, overshadowing the deeper moral boundaries and philosophical questions that Shakespeare challenges in his works. Educators have therefore lost the passion and interest in Literature. The mark schemes, the A0s, the set 5 paragraph length, the forceful use of PEEL in GCSEs have sucked the life out of these radical and engaging books. We need to rethink the way literature is thought, the mark scheme doesn’t embrace creativity, nuance and invention, it reduces students to a number. Whereby their ideas and originality are rejected based on the status quo. 

Written by Dahila Farzi

 

 

References:

Sciences, Academy of Arts And. “Gender Distribution of Degrees in English Language and Literature.” American Academy of Arts & Sciences, 17 Apr. 2016, www.amacad.org/humanities-indicators/higher-education/gender-distribution-degrees-english-language-and-literature. 

“Children and Young People’s Reading in 2023.” National Literacy Trust, 5 Nov. 2024, literacytrust.org.uk/research-services/research-reports/children-and-young-peoples-reading-in-2023. 

Jones, Kiefer. “Fantasy Drives Print Book Sales Surge in 2024: Publishers See Potential Turnaround.” Books&Review,9July 2024, www.booksnreview.com/articles/19721/20240709/fantasy-drives-print-book-sales-surge-2024-publishers-see-potential.htm. 

Categories
Gender and Sexuality

The ‘Why’ of Modern Feminism: A Commentary On The Growth Of Social Media as a Hotbed for Misogyny

Caitlyn Jones is a passionate, aspiring, academic and feminist activist, who is in her first-year studying English at King’s College London. Drawing from her personal experiences as a woman and a keen observer of history, she explores the ongoing struggles women face in the realms of self-expression, body autonomy, and societal expectations. Check out an extract of her work below:

One thing I have come to realise from studying the issues surrounding women’s rights throughout history, from being a social media user, and, crucially, from being a woman myself, is that we never seem to be able to, for lack of an academic term, catch a break.

Perhaps one might be of the opinion that the online world would be a safer opportunity for self-expression – as we are intangible and therefore out of reach to any potential perpetrators. Sadly, this could not be further from the truth. It is important to be absolutely clear: the issue with gender dynamics on social media isn’t about women posting pictures of themselves in a bikini while enjoying their holidays or showing off a new dress that falls above the knee. In doing so, they are showcasing their confidence, beauty, and pride in their own bodies – just as a man does when he posts a picture of himself shirtless at the gym. As a relatively well-rounded human, I fail to see the overarching problem with any of these scenarios. Returning to the former two examples, however, the problem lies entirely with those who choose to berate the woman for ‘showing too much skin’ or parading around as a ‘slut.’ Both men and women have been guilty of this offence. From observing myriad comments under these kinds of posts, I have drawn several rather unsurprising yet deeply prevalent conclusions as to their motives – conclusions that still allude my understanding as a social media, and, more importantly, as an all-round decent human.

More often than not, these comments are blatantly underscored with airs of jealousy, insecurity or intimidation. In many cases, it is a hideous integration of all three. And to be blunt, neither I nor any other social media user I’ve spoken to in relation to this essay have encountered comments of the same objectifying and nefarious nature under a shirtless man’s post. Therein lies one of the most terrifying and problematic social paradoxes in our community: there exists a certain social aversion, or rather a subconscious fear of female sexuality, or perhaps more specifically, a fear of a woman’s confidence in her own sexuality. The reason for this fear I cannot explain – it is not my job to do that. But as a feminist activist, it is my job to point out its dangerous and, in certain cases, fatal consequences.

From this fear of a woman’s confidence in her body and sexuality arises aggression and hostility towards its expression – particularly through social media posts. The search for evidence of this was unfortunately not a difficult one – this part of my research was far more enduring than enjoyable. In truth, I am not completely sure if ‘research’ is the correct word for it. All I had to do was scroll through my ‘For You’ page on Instagram, where a woman in a bikini or a shorter dress would appear, and open the comments section. The most common statements I discovered were along the lines of ‘put some clothes on,’ ‘wh0re,’ and ‘wasted goods.’ From here, I began to see and acknowledge the fact that there is, without any doubt, a war on women within the online world as well as the ‘real’ one.

Further proof of this can be examined through social media users who choose to exploit the platform as an opportunity to spout hate to and about women. I am sure many of you will be at least somewhat aware of the so-called ‘podcast bros’ or ‘alpha males’ who dominate many a young person’s social media feed with their preaching of shockingly degrading comments concerning women’s sexualities, bodies and life choices.

Many of these men have argued that it is the rise of ‘modern feminism’ that has enabled an insurgence of women showcasing their pride in their bodies and sexuality through social media and beyond – and I could not agree more. However, the crucial difference between myself and the social media users who I speak of – is that they choose to view it as an entirely negative phenomenon. The most problematic aspect of the label of ‘modern feminism’ lies in its suggestion that its definition has been somehow co-opted over time to suit the interests of misandrists and corrupt the values of femininity. Allow me to make one thing abundantly clear: the definition of feminism along with everything it stands for has always remained a constant. It has never changed. The aims and intentions of feminism has always been to advocate for the woman’s choice to make her own decisions concerning her body, her money, her education and her personal life, and to ensure that she both obtains and maintains access to the same human and civil rights as her male counterpart. Women who wish for a world where women are superior to men are misandrists, not feminists, even if they feel they identify as the latter. There are many people who may identify with a certain faith but repeatedly reject and contravene the laws and values of that same faith in their daily lives – perhaps at times without knowing it. The very same logic applies to this situation. There is an ocean between the world of feminism and misandry, just as there is an ocean between the world of feminism and misogyny.

Written by Caitlin Jones.