Tag: LGBTQ+ (Page 3 of 4)

Posts related to LGBTQ+

LGBTQ+ History Month: And the Category is? Live: Work: Learn

February 4, 2020 / Sarah Mander

When I first started on the path of becoming an EDI professional, I concentrated on learning most about the areas outside my lived experience – I’ve written extensively on my experience as a woman of colour from a working-class background, and my life as a working partner and parent. My understanding of my own sexual orientation is continually developing, and I am a firm Q (of LGBTQ+) for questioning. Over the years I have continued to educate myself and learn about the lives and experiences of others to try and understand myself, as well as to be the good ally I aspire to be and to do my job effectively.

I was overjoyed recently to discover Pose which, as Alex Prestage said to me, is a dramatized version of the excellent documentary, Paris Is Burning, exploring the guts and glamour of New York’s ballroom scene in the late 80s and the exclusion from mainstream culture and society experienced by gay and trans people.

Notice what it’s all about. Being able to fit into the straight, white world and embody the American dream. We don’t have access to that dream, and it’s not because of ability, trust me. – Blanca Evangelista

I must confess, I didn’t know about the ‘ballroom’ scene until very recently and I have to thank my team for making the introduction. The ballroom scene draws a largely gay, mostly black and Latinx, crowd to watch mainly, though not exclusively, trans performers competing for trophies by performing (“walking”) in certain ‘categories’. Paris Is Burning tells the story behind Madonna’s 1990 single Vogue and clearly lays the foundation for the enormously popular RuPaul’s Drag Race. This was one of the main revelations for me. These are now part of my everyday life and cultural bank yet I had no idea where they came from or what their original meanings were.

With sharp dialogue, exquisite music, an abundance of dancing and sex, all heavily costumed and glittered, Pose is simultaneously riven with racism, sexism and transphobia. I watched with sadness and disbelief as many of its characters, all gay and trans people of colour, are rejected by their biological families and find solace in a community or chosen families and spaces where they are able to express themselves freely.

People came because they needed a place of comfort, they needed a family, they needed a house mother. – Pray Tell.

The AIDS crisis is a strong motif throughout the show, and explores how misinformation and stigma exacerbate marginalisation and the impact this has on LGBTQ+ people and communities.

For me it was very much a story of family and friendship. As I tweeted afterwards:

I felt I had become close personal friends of each of the characters and now can’t believe I won’t be seeing them every day.
(For more follow me @equalitywarrior)

Pose shows us that what might to some seem frivolous or ridiculous can serve as a source of hope, comfort and nurturing.

You have to shine so bright out there that they can’t deny you – Blanca Evangelista

One of the things I loved, and would like to see more of, is the presentation of trans and gender diverse people not as comedic, pantomime characters, but as rounded, everyday human beings. While much of the public discourse on trans and gender diverse people seems transfixed on their bodies, Pose lets us into these characters’ hearts, minds and souls. The show gives us insights into how they feel about themselves. I realised how little I was thinking about their bodies at all. Pose has the largest transgender cast of any commercial, scripted TV show. The show sends a message of love and of understanding and education about lives that many do not understand and so choose to reject.

Whilst it would be silly to claim that watching a couple of TV shows can fully inform me about the lived experience of trans and gender diverse people, it does demonstrate that there are multiple ways to learn. Well-made TV programmes can give you an insight into the lives of others and we all, in my view, have a duty to educate ourselves. I also believe if more people could watch a programme like Pose with an open mind and an open heart, we might all be more willing and able to tackle trans and homophobia.

LGBTQ+ History Month: WTF is gender? Coz I have no idea.

February 4, 2020 / Sarah Mander

For LGBTQ+ History Month, EDI Consultant and Proudly King’s Committee member, India Jordan, writes about their experience of gender – beyond, and in-between binaries.

(EDIT) This blog was written in 2020 when India was in an earlier stage of their ‘gender journey’, so keep an eye out for possible updates on this!

Have a think about gender, do you really know what it is?

I’m not really going try to answer the question, but give you an idea of my lived experience and what goes through my mind on a daily basis.

One of the most annoying things in the world for me is being called ‘madam’, ‘miss’ or ‘lady’, or when I’m with friends or my partner, being called ‘girls’ as a collective. It ignites some sort of deep anger and discomfort that I can’t really explain. It’s the same as when some men open doors for me and say ‘after you’ just because they perceive me to be female. It feels so inherently counter to my sense of self and has never felt right. It’s the fact that someone has made an assumption about me and is interacting with who they think I am, whether that’s ‘madam’, ‘miss’ or ‘lady’. And in this moment, I lose the ability to exist in the way I see myself.

That said, if someone asked how I do see myself I would probably say ‘I don’t know”.

I have no idea what gender is or what gender means. I know it is fluid and ever-changing. It feels easier for me to say what I think I am not: I’m not male, I was a female-assigned a birth (AFAB) but I don’t really identify as a female.

What I do know, or what I feel is that I exist in this neutral space where I don’t really see myself fitting into an either/or man/woman binary. I guess that would mean I fit within the very broad spectrum of ‘non-binary’. It’s taken me a while figure out and included a lot of self reflection and understanding to get to this point (and I’d say I was probably on the start of this journey rather than the end).

For a couple of years now this ‘neutral’ identity has very much existed at the forefront of how I see myself, however I’ve been afraid to take up space asking others to see/treat/identify me in the same way. This was up until very recently, where back in December I made a public Instagram post asking people to refer to me with they/them pronouns or simply by my name. This came about after months of deliberating, conversations with friends, and googling desperate questions like ‘who am I?’ ‘what is gender?’ ‘am I non-binary?’ ‘do we even exist anyway???’.

Outside of my life at King’s, I am a DJ and music producer. This means I have public social media pages, and people write about me sometimes. So, this Instagram post came about around the time I was receiving more press/publicity (as an artist) than usual due to featuring on a mix series podcast, a couple of gigs and a single release. I knew I had to say something because every single time I read ‘she’/’her’ in the write-up’s, I immediately disassociated and didn’t feel like they were talking about me. It felt super jarring. Publishing the post felt terrifying; I was exposing myself, being vulnerable and also publicly declaring that I should take up space and demanding that others respond to this request. It felt very unnatural but I know now that it was really really necessary.

Since then, I’ve requested people at work refer to me as they/them. I guess you could take this blog as a formal coming out post to King’s. A simple changing of pronouns, whilst some may perceive this as small, feels like an absolutely massive thing for me. It means I don’t get a pang of anxiety/gender crisis every time someone calls me ‘she/her’.

Whilst I am nowehere near feeling sure about what my gender is (or what gender is at all), it really does help alleviate that weight and constant confusion I carry around with me daily.

I’ve found reading, listening to podcasts and joining online communities really helpful in this gender journey so far. Here’s a couple that I recommend:

Life Isn’t Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between – MJ Barker & Alex Iantaffi

Unicorn: The Memoir of a Muslim Drag Queen, Amrou Al-Kadhi

NB – My Non-binary Life (Podcast), Amrou Al-Kadhi & Caitlin Benedict

This image:

Wellbeing Month: Proudly bringing your most authentic self to work

January 8, 2020 / Sarah Mander

For Wellbeing Month, Proudly King’s co-chair Kirsty McLaren talks about joining, and then getting involved, in a staff community network. Proudly King’s is King’s LGBTQ+ Staff Network, and there are other networks open to all staff including the Race Equality Network, Elevate: King’s Gender Equality Network, Parents’ & Carers’ Network and Access King’s: Disability Inclusion Network.

No matter how much you love your job, your colleagues or the cactus on your desk, work gets stressful and that’s unavoidable at times. People choose all sorts of ways to find positive wellbeing at work, and mine is Proudly King’s.

Originally, I never thought of joining the Proudly King’s LGBTQ+ Staff Network as a de-stress, it was something I was affiliated with, and that’s what led me there. But after meeting so many other members over the years, I realised that sometimes the job isn’t the stress, it’s feeling like you don’t have anyone else you can relate to in your 9-5. When you walk into a network event, there aren’t any assumptions. As a gay person, it can be frustrating when you start a new job and are faced with (very innocent) assumptions about yourself, which often means you must correct people and ‘come out’ multiple times. A network is a refreshing break away from the everyday world, regardless of who you are. Whether you’re in a particular community or not, you’re free to come to events without prejudgement or assumption. Whatever is affecting your wellbeing, there will be a network that will help you feel at home at King’s.

For me, being myself is not an issue, but not everyone is privileged in that respect. Not feeling able to be yourself at work impacts relationships with colleagues, job satisfaction and productivity. Ultimately, it impacts you and your wellbeing. I’ve seen first-hand the impact my own mental health had on my work, and it creates a spiral:

“I can’t do this today.”

“I didn’t do that today, so now I feel anxious.”

“I’m too anxious to do that effectively”

“Well because I didn’t do that all of my colleagues think I shouldn’t have got the job”

“Why did I get the job? I can’t do it. I’m a fraud.”

And so on.

For me, before I learned how to manage my mental health, understand my own feelings (and that they were okay) and accept that I deserved to make time for myself, things didn’t look too bright. I ended up off sick from a job I loved passionately, and still do. At some point you accept that you deserve to live and work in a way that makes you thrive, not just survive. You must accept that you are enough. Whether that is through joining networks, doing sport or whatever exercise makes you feel good, meditating, arts, TV, cooking, whatever it is… you. do. you. There is no right or wrong way to do that, but If it makes you happy then keep doing it and if it doesn’t, then stop. Bring your most authentic self to work. You’ll see that others start to follow suit as well.

UK Black Pride: How UKBP is creating a more inclusive LGBTQ+ community for BME people.

July 8, 2019 / Sarah Mander

UK Black Pride is Europe’s largest celebration for LGBTQ+ people of African, Asian, Caribbean, Middle Eastern and Latin American descent. Whitney Robinson, co-chair of the King’s Race Equality Network, explains why it is such an important event.

Over half of Black and Minority Ethnic (BME) LGBTQ+ people in the UK have reported facing discrimination from within the LGBTQ+ community. Equality at King’s cannot be achieved until every single member of staff can experience equality within and outside of the LGBTQ+ community.

Photo by Matt Nelson (https://www.mdnphotovideo.com/)

We are proud that colleagues from Proudly King’s and the Race Equality Network stood together this Pride because, in the words of the writer, feminist and civil rights activist Audre Lorde:

There is no such thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives. Our struggles are particular, but we are not alone.” We can achieve so much more by supporting not only our own causes, but others which can affect a great number of people from our community

As a straight black woman, I’ve experienced discrimination based on my gender and, like many other ethnic minorities, racism and ridicule based on the pigmentation of my skin. However, unlike ethnic minorities of all shades and backgrounds who identify as LGBTQ+, I’ve never been a victim of prejudice and violence based on who I choose to love!

As coined in 1989 by law professor and civic rights advocate Kimberlé Crenshaw, intersectionality is the overlap between different categories of social identities such as race, class, gender, disability, religion and sexual orientation. Crenshaw argues that this overlap is key in creating interdependent streams of discrimination for those significantly marginalised within society.

Ethnic minorities often report experiencing homophobia within their cultural communities alongside racism and isolation within the LGBTQ+ community. A third of Black, Asian and minority ethnic LGBTQ+ people have experienced hate crime based on their sexual orientation and/or gender identity, compared to one in five white LGBTQ+ people. With statistics like this in mind the need for movements such as UK Black Pride are becoming increasingly apparent.

UK Black Pride is an opportunity to embrace the power of intersectionality through celebrating and embracing the heritage of LGBTQ+ ethnic minorities within a setting reflective of their experiences and culture. As the King’s community, let’s stand together in solidarity towards advancing and achieving true equality, diversity and inclusion for all!

This year we make small beginnings with our presence at UK Black Pride and a Gypsy feminism event run in collaboration with Traveller Pride. We encourage every person, regardless of their identity, to take part in staff networks at King’s. We hope we can collaborate more with the Race Equality Network in the future and work together with every single network to make King’s – and the world – a better place. – Kirsty McLaren (right) & Josh Pullen (bottom), co-chairs of Proudly King’s

Becoming a better ally

July 1, 2019 / Sarah Mander

In anticipation for London Pride this weekend, King’s Chaplain, Tim Ditchfield, has penned a blog reflecting on his experience at the Stonewall Open Trans Ally Programme..

In recent years I have met several trans people and have heard their stories of challenges and struggle, a desire to be fully themselves and a pressure to deny themselves. And painful stories of being victimised and on the receiving end of abuse and aggression.

As someone who identifies as a straight cis Christian man (I guess you’d expect the Christian bit from the College Chaplain!) I am aware of two key things. Firstly, that God is a God of love who welcomes all people and has a special concern for those who are treated badly by other people, often those on the margins; and secondly that the church has, sadly, failed to live up to this standard in so many ways, but especially in relation to LGBTQ+ people.

I have also realised how I have sat on the fence about this. Recognising a desire for equality but doing little about it as it doesn’t affect me personally. Which is why over the past year I have started to be more proactive. I went to the Stonewall Workplace conference in April which was inspirational seeing so many impressive people speaking. And so many of the speakers identified as people of faith.

Ruth Hunt, the amazing CEO of Stonewall, spoke of her faith. Also people like Nour Shaker, the Trans Advisor for Vodaphone UK, and Shaan Knan, a Liberal Jewish trans man, who is working on a PhD exploring the intersection of trans and faith. All of these people and many others during the day spoke of their faith in a positive way and how it has shaped and encouraged them to be who they are.

As a result of this, I went on the Stonewall OPEN Trans Allies Programme two weeks ago. This was a day-long programme described as follows:

The Stonewall Trans Allies Programme is for individuals at all levels in an organisation. It is designed to empower individuals to actively create more trans-inclusive workplaces and communities. It’s designed to give participants a deeper understanding of the impact of common transphobic narratives on the trans community, and help participants create a clear action plan to actively tackle them, and to give participants access to a network of other trans allies to help create positive change.

The starting point for the day grew out of this statement of intent: though Stonewall encourages an open and honest environment, debating people’s identities is not acceptable. Trans women are women, trans men are men, and non-binary people exist. All identities are valid.

It was a useful day as we explored terminology, identity & privilege as well as the current legal position. It was painful to hear people’s stories of abuse and the reality of transphobia. It was challenging to work through what we as allies can do to respond proactively to this.

We had to leave with an action plan: what we’d do immediately, within a month and within a year. My immediate one was to use my pronouns in emails and on name labels at events, which I’m now doing. (I found this blog really helpful when asking why I should do this.)

Check.

Within a month, I planned to write a blog post about the day. Here it is.

Check.

Within a year I want to ensure the chaplaincy is a place where trans people feel fully welcome and included, and also a place where we are encouraging all people to explore the intersections of trans and faith in a safe environment.

Work in progress.

#WomenofKings: Chenee Psaros

March 7, 2019 / Sarah Mander

To celebrate International Women’s Day and #WomenofKings, we have invited the panelists who will be speaking at our Elevate – Gender Equality Network launch, to reflect on finding their own leadership. Chenee Psaros, a founding member of the LGBTQ+ Staff Network, speaks about leadership as understanding one’s own positional power and using that to promote others.

I think great leadership is having an understanding of how our systems of power marginalise and disenfranchise people. It is understanding that individuals should be considered through multiple lenses; they do not exist separately from their class, race, sexual orientation, age, religion, disability or gender. It is understanding how our own social privilege can create blind spots where we can disregard others without careful thought. Leadership is knowing that every person has something of value to offer.

As one of the founding members of Proudly King’s, the King’s LGBTQ+ Staff Network, I am proud to work alongside people who share similar views to mine.

We work tirelessly ensuring that in our institution we are equal, culturally as well as legally. We want to make sure that queer people feel comfortable enough to bring their whole selves to work, knowing that they can share who they are without fear of intimidation or discrimination. We also think it is important to enlighten and inform others of the obstacles queer people may face at work.

I believe that everyone has it within their power to be a leader because as a leader you don’t always need to do something great, you just need to do something brave. Standing up for something you believe in or challenging someone with more power when you think they are wrong are small acts of leadership. Leadership is knowing who you are and what you stand for and being open enough to change your mind.

Just the two of us

February 13, 2019 / Sarah Mander

For LGBTQ+ History Month, Chenee Psaros from our LGBTQ+ Staff Network, Proudly King’s, has kindly penned a guest blog on the depths of love.

LGBT History Month has the fabulous fortune of having Valentine’s Day blossoming into red, heart-shaped glory right in the middle of February. Barely having recovered from Christmas, we get cajoled into celebrating love at a time when we have more freedom to love whom we choose than ever before in the UK. And that is a good thing, right? Because, ‘love trumps hate’ and ‘choosing love’ can only make the world a better place.

In Western Society the privileging of couple-relationships is something that happens to everyone at some point in their lives, whether we are queer or we’re straight, whether we’re trans or we’re cis, no matter what our age, race or ethnicity, we are bound to be single at some point. Couple-privilege discriminates indiscriminately. We are consistently shown a narrative of romantic love or traditional relationships as one of two people meeting, falling in love, having a sexual relationship and settling down. Coupling is entwined with attraction, desire, love and sex. We are told these ingredients are essential for a successful partnership. In our history partnerships are mostly exclusive, and they are usually the most important relationship of our lives, surpassed only by those which we have with our children. We are almost never given alternatives.

As part of its series of events for LGBT History Month, Proudly King’s, the King’s College Staff LGBTQIA Network is hosting What is Love? The Depths of Queer Relationships; a panel discussion to examine looking beyond the privilege of couple-relationships to offer up alternatives. We are exploring how and why people choose to be alone in a world designed for pairs. And why, if we can love our friends without limits, love our families forever, love our jobs and lead fulfilling lives, we are considered deficient if we don’t feel sexual attraction? Why do we conflate love relationships with sex? Why is being single seen as something to be pitied, even if it is by choice. Equally, if we can love more than one parent, more than one child, more than one sibling why is it is not common practice to love more than one partner. Why are people who chose to engage ethically in non-monogamous relationships villainised?

We are hoping to have a sensitive discussion regarding alternatives to traditional relationships. We will be highlighting those relationships included in the Asexual and Non-Monogamous spectrums. We are looking at narratives that go beyond prioritising romantic and sex-based relationships over non-sexual or non-romantic relationships. We hope you can join us.

IDAHOTB… not just a rainbow piece of cake.

May 17, 2018 / Sarah Mander

The International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia was established in 2004 to draw the attention of policymakers, opinion leaders, social movements, the public and the media to the violence and discrimination experienced by LGBTIQ communities across the globe. In under a decade, May 17 has established itself as an important date for LGBTIQ communities on a worldwide scale. It is easy to feel that with things in the UK have progressed so much over recent years that we are living in a nirvana of rainbow equality.

Sexual orientation is protected under the Equality Act – so it is illegal to discriminate in terms of employment, education and any provision of services. We have marriage equality in the UK, but it didn’t come easily. In 2004, the Civil Partnership Act was passed granting same-sex couples the same rights and responsibilities of marriage however, many within the Government remained adamant that they were not equal to the concept of marriage. It wasn’t until 2013 when the Marriage Act passed to allow same-sex couples to legally marry.

However, the UK context is not universal. IDAHOTB on May 17 is now celebrated in more than 130 countries, including 37 where same-sex acts are still illegal. Centuries of stigma and social exclusion don’t just disappear because the law changes. Let’s remember, that the date of May 17th was specifically chosen to commemorate the World Health Organization’s decision in 1990 to declassify homosexuality as a mental disorder.

It was my wedding anniversary last week (16 years!). One of my reflections was how that same year my brothers in-law also celebrated their partnership and commitment. Given the law at the time, they couldn’t enjoy the same social acceptance or legal rights as they couldn’t legally ‘marry’. Also significant parts of their family didn’t recognise or attend the event, casting a shadow on what should have been a joyous experience for them.

My other reflection on the progression of LGBT+ rights and equality is how it feels for young LGBTIQ people? I could let myself believe that the law changing and the apparent liberalness of society would make it easy to be a teenager discovering your sexual orientation in 2018. But then I look at the reality. In my experience, as a parent and as a school governor of a large London academy, I see high levels of homophobic bullying as well as very mixed appetite and capability in teachers to address it. In observing my daughters and their friends, sexual orientation is more openly discussed and understood than it was ‘in my day’, but it hasn’t been my experience that many teenagers are openly identifying as LGBTIQ! And of course, there is still definitely a tendency by friends and families to automatically assume heterosexual relationships.

So until there are worldwide freedoms around sexual orientation, translated into an equality of rights and a shift in culture, thinking and behaviour, it remains important to mark and celebrate IDAHOTB with pride and a little rainbow icing on top.

Lessons in Allyship

May 9, 2018 / Sarah Mander

In anticipation of the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia, we’ve invited Kathryn Richards from King’s Wellbeing and the LGBT+ Staff Network to pen a guest blog for us.

With International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia on the horizon, you may have heard about the Great IDAHOBIT Bake-off on the 17^th of May. As I moved to sign up in solidarity, I took a moment to check myself and realised two things; this was the first time I’d heard of IDAHOBIT and, whilst the concept seemed pretty self-explanatory, I had no real understanding of its history and importance. I could bake a pretty (or not so pretty) rainbow cake, but what purpose would that serve on its own?

Fast forward an hour and, with thanks to the powers of the internet, I had a better and more nuanced grasp, including the significance of May 17^thto commemorate the WHO’s declassification of homosexuality as a mental illness, and the relevance of anti LGBTQ+ violence charity Galop as the beneficiary of the bake-off’s funds. It was a small step to take, but one that paved the way to more meaningful engagement with this key date in the LGBTQ+ calendar.

It’s moments like this that remind me that allyship to any group is a continual process and a journey of purposeful, informed actions, rather than a fixed, self-proclaimed status. There are many lessons along the way, with five in particular standing out from my own journey so far.

The Value of Listening

It’s good to talk, but it’s most important to listen. Whilst calling out inappropriate behaviour and language is crucial, it’s important to be able to identify and challenge more than just the most egregious examples of discrimination and that knowledge comes primarily from listening to the lived experiences of those around us and in the public eye.

Feedback is Your Friend

My personal journey has, on more than one occasion, involved screwing up, albeit unintentionally, and being called out on it. It can be uncomfortable to be vulnerable and take accountability for personal blind spots, but surely better than blithely repeating mistakes that serve to marginalise, whilst professing to be supportive all the while!

Broadening Understanding

Listening and being open to constructive criticism are both instructive, but it shouldn’t fall to those we know personally to ‘school’ us; there many pro-active ways to become informed. LGBTQ media, organisations such as Stonewall and Galop, combined with queer film and literature all help build a picture of the community’s diversity, with intersectionality being a key theme. Whilst I can never walk in another person’s shoes, appreciating the multifaceted nature of both identity and discrimination enables deeper engagement and empathy.

Taking Action

Most empowering for me has been learning how to be an active bystander. I used to equate challenging inappropriate language and behaviour with ugly confrontation, but this doesn’t have to be the case and will probably cause more damage than good. There are some excellent resources available to help practise bystander intervention without putting anyone at risk. A good place to start is the Hollaback! website, designed originally for situations of sexual harassment, but with universal principles that can be applied to any type of bystander situation.

Stepping Away from the Spotlight

Ironic, I know, given that I’m putting myself out there with this blog post! However, there’s a fine line between meaningful contributions at the appropriate time and monopolising conversations that should be led by members of the community.

In the end, though, it isn’t my place to self-define as an ally; that title can only be conferred by members of the communities one seeks to support, based on merit and trust. So, my pledge today is to approach IDAHOBIT 2019 better informed, engaged in more meaningful action, with another year’s worth of listening and lesson-learning under my belt.

Ain’t I A Woman – Kirsty McLaren on Checking Our Privileges

March 15, 2018 / Sarah Mander

For the year the 100-year anniversary of partial suffrage in UK, we are running a series of blog posts inspired by Sojourner Truth and her most famous speech “Ain’t I a Woman? “delivered in 1851 was a powerful rebuke to many anti-feminist arguments of the day. It became, and continues to serve, as a classic expression of women’s rights and we would like to take this opportunity to encourage all members of the King’s community to think critically about the media representation of women and the additional struggles faced by those who do not always share the same spotlight – BME, LGBT+, migrant, refugee and disabled women.

We are grateful to Kirsty McLaren, from King’s Widening Participation for contributing to our Women’s History Month blog series.

Women are beautiful. The most beautiful thing about women is that no two are the same; I have friends that are nurses, lawyers, police officers, psychologists, teachers, mothers, students, professional services staff and work in engineering. Some do jobs that society deem as masculine, and often catch people by surprise when they say what they do for a living because most of them are fiercely feminine. And whether they know it or not, they all step out of the door in the morning and go and kick the patriarchy’s you-know-what.
I’m a lesbian. Despite my appreciation of no two women being the same, up until last year I thought I shared an experience with every other woman who likes kissing girls, but wow I was wrong. I attended Stonewall’s Young Leaders Programme in December, and I’ve never been around such an inspiring group of people whose stories and identities are all vastly different to mine. I heard from women who shared their stories of being black and LGBT+. A bisexual woman will face discrimination for being bisexual and a woman. A black woman will face discrimination for being black and a woman. A black, bisexual woman will face discrimination for all three, and that’s where we need to be better allies – we need to recognise that no two women are the same.

I was also shocked by the discrete form of discrimination and prejudice that is faced by bisexual women. Some said they’d been asked “if they’re a “proper lesbian” of if they’re “going back to boys”, completely disregarding the idea of bisexuality. Now, I am familiar and comfortable with people who are prejudice toward me because I am a lesbian. They have an idea in their head of what I am and for me, I can live with that… I’ll take my Ellen DeGeneres t-shirt and L-Word box set and go be gay and great elsewhere. But it would start a fire inside of me if someone were to completely disregard my identity as false, or temporary. I’ll be the first one to hold my hands up and say this is the sort of thing I’ve been guilty of in the past; I’ve been insecure about having a bisexual girlfriend, in the fear that they may ‘run off with a man.’

It’s lazy to say “I have bisexual friends so it’s fine”. For International Women’s Day, here’s my pledge:

I promise to be an active ally to my bisexual sisters, and call out discrimination even ‘in jest’.
I promise to take a more intersectional approach in supporting LGBT+ groups, for women of colour, religious women, trans women, disabled women and all that identify with more than one group.
I promise to check my privilege, and to stand up for every beautiful woman across the world who battles through barriers one way or another.

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