Universally Challenged #3 – Cockney Quiz

Awight guv’ner… As I grew up on the mean streets of Leyton (or at least in abject squalor high above them), I was only allowed to communicate in cockney rhyming slang until I was 11 years old. See how fluent (or influent) you are by taking this cockney rhyming slang quiz. Just have a guess at the translation into English, and if you need some context hints just scroll down (and keep scrolling for the answers).

 

Cockney Hint (context) Answer
1.      Ricky Gervais    
2.      Cheese and kisses    
3.      Arthur Conan Doyle    
4.      Damien Hirst    
5.      Holy Grail    
6.      Bubble bath    
7.      Noddy Holders    
8.      Alan Minter    
9.      Stand to attention    
10.   Jet fighter    
11.   Spanish onion    
12.   Round the houses    
13.   Basil Brush    
14.   Bill Oddie    
15.   Basin of gravy    
16.   Dustbin lids    
17.   Lump of ice    
18.   Atilla the Hun    
19.   Once a week    
20.   Weep and wail    
21.   Box of toys    
22.   Two thirty    
23.   Billie Piper    
24.   Coat Hanger    
25.   Kareem Abdul Jabbar    
26.   Kevin Keegan    
27.   Kate Moss    
28.   Harry Hill    
29.   Billy Ray Cyrus    
30.   Coat and badge    

 Scroll down for hints and answers!

 

 

Hints…

 

Cockney Word Hint (context) Answer
1.    Ricky Gervais You should’ve seen the look on his Ricky when I told him he was dumped  
2.    Cheese and kisses I got some flowers to surprise the cheese  
3.    Arthur Conan Doyle That’s a nasty looking Arthur  
4.    Damien Hirst Sebastian – get him! – he’s got a Damien from Oxford  
5.    Holy Grail Why not drop me a Holy to confirm?  
6.    Bubble bath You’ve got to bubble, haven’t you?  
7.    Noddy Holders I’ve got a pain in my Noddys  
8.    Alan Minter My Alan’s jammed again  
9.    Stand to attention Can’t afford that until I’ve picked up my attention  
10. Jet fighter Managed to do it, but I had to pull a jet!  
11. Spanish onion My Spanishes are killing me  
12. Round the houses I’ve got a hole round the houses  
13. Basil Brush Do you want some yoghurt for that Basil?  
14. Bill Oddie Get us a Bill and coke  
15. Basin of gravy What a beautiful basin  
16. Dustbin lids I’ve got two bins and one on the way  
17. Lump of ice Let me give you a lump, son…  
18. Atilla the Hun Most people leave university with an Atilla these days  
19. Once a week Got called up to see the once-a-week again!  
20. Weep and wail That’s a very likely weeper!  
21. Box of toys Will you stop that terrible box  
22. Two thirty Bought it second hand, but it was a bit two-thirty  
23. Billie Piper Someone’s gone and ripped off my Billies  
24. Coat Hanger I submitted my thesis with a massive coat hanger in the acknowledgements  
25. Kareem Abdul Jabbar I just bought a shiny new Kareem  
26. Kevin Keegan No, not for me, I’m a Kevin  
27. Kate Moss Got a bit Kate Mossed on the way home  
28. Harry Hill I can’t be, I am on the Harry  
29. Billy Ray Cyrus We’re all struggling to cope with this Billy Ray  
30. Coat and badge Please can I coat it from you for the weekend?  

 

 Scroll down for answers

 

 What your score means…

0-8, Joanna Lumley: You might be able to impersonate a cockney for dramatic purposes, but you have to pretend to hold your own imaginary braces to do it, and underneath you’ve not got the pearly class to pull it off. You think Stratford is famous for Shakespeare, and that the Westfield is in Shepherd’s Bush.

9-13, Jamie Oliver: More of a mockney, you can throw around the occasional Eastenders one-liner but when push comes to shove, you’re more of an estuary eel (not jellied). You once went to Dalston, but it felt a little awkward.

14-18, Barbara Windsor: You’ve got proper cockney blood flowing through your veins, but either you’re a mud blood or fame, fortune and maybe elocution lessons have chiselled off the harder edges. You have friends in Twickenham and think that’s OK… nonetheless, you’re still fam-leeee!

19, 20, Danny Dyer: Proper “salt and earthed” within the sound of Bow Bells – possibly even born on the bell itself – you’re a diamond geezer. and close friends with Winstone, Kemp and Hoskins (but Caine, south London muck, is dead to you).

 

ANSWERS

 

Cockney Word Hint (context) Answer
1.    Ricky Gervais You should’ve seen the look on his Ricky when I told him he was dumped face
2.    Cheese and kisses I got some flowers to surprise the cheese Missus (Mrs)
3.    Arthur Conan Doyle That’s a nasty looking Arthur boil
4.    Damien Hirst Sebastian got a Damien from Oxford 1st (class degree)
5.    Holy Grail Send me a Holy email
6.    Bubble bath You’ve got to bubble, haven’t you? laugh
7.    Noddy Holders I’ve got a pain in my Noddys shoulders
8.    Alan Minter My Alan’s jammed again printer
9.    Stand to attention Can’t afford that until I’ve picked up my attention pension
10. Jet fighter Managed to do it, but I had to pull a jet! All-nighter
11. Spanish onion My Spanishes are killing me bunion
12. Round the houses I’ve got a hole round the houses trousers
13. Basil Brush Do you want some yoghurt for that Basil? thrush
14. Bill Oddie Get us a Bill and coke vodka (voddie)
15. Basin of gravy What a beautiful basin baby
16. Dustbin lids I’ve got two lids and one on the way kids
17. Lump of ice Let me give you a lump, son… advice
18. Atilla the Hun Most people leave university with an Atilla these days 2(1) class degree
19. Once a week Got called up to see the once-a-week again! beak (magistrate)
20. Weep and wail That’s a very likely wail! tale
21. Box of toys Will you stop that terrible box noise
22. Two thirty Bought it second hand, but it was a bit two-thirty dirty
23. Billie Piper Someone’s gone and ripped off my Billies windscreen wiper
24. Coat Hanger I submitted my thesis with a massive coat hanger in the acknowledgements clanger (mistake)
25. Kareem Abdul Jabbar I just bought a shiny new Kareem car
26. Kevin Keegan No, not for me, I’m a Kevin vegan
27. Kate Moss Got a bit Kate Mossed on the way home lost
28. Harry Hill I can’t be, I am on the Harry contraceptive pill
29. Billy Ray Cyrus We’re all struggling to cope with this Billy Ray virus
30. Coat and badge Please can I coat it from you for the weekend? cadge (borrow)